You can't motorboat a personality
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
