I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
