I have demons in me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
