I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This baby is an asshole
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
