Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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