All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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