Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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