omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
