Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
