I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
