If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
