About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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