Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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