Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
