I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
