break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your dad touched me again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am naked and annoyed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
