I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
