This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
