did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's like iHOP with fire
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize