I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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