i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
