Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
