Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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