1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
