It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
