Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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