She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
