For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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