Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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