i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
