I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
