I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
