The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
