Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
