I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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