Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
