Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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