areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
