I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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