She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
