god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
