Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
