oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Say something about gay babies.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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