she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
