Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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