worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
how drunk are you?
Several
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
