no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
