I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
