remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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