Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
