Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
