He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
