so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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