I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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