How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
