I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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