This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
