I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
