Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
