My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize