did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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