I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
