shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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