god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had to cum in my sink.
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