Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
