She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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