What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
